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The Modern Vamp's Guide to Surviving Christmas: 10 Tips for the Holidays

November 27, 2018

The holidays are often hard on us all, but none suffer so much as the modern vamp just trying to get by.

Here are 10 insightful tips to help you survive the 2018 'silly season'.

1. Be Prepared

At least slip a little bag of sustenance into your purse before you go.

If you suffer from food allergies (garlic?) or eat differently from the norm (liquid diet, eh?) take something along in case your uncle forgot to read the list of diet specifications you emailed 2 months ago.

Better yet, take something to share! You may introduce someone to delicious new foods they would have never tried otherwise.

2. Don't Go to a Party on an Empty Stomach

Sink your fangs into something substantial before you go!

You never know if Auntie Irene will halt your beeline towards the pumpkin pie to regale you with long ass stories of her glory days in the crusades working for 'Vlad's Kebab Shop'.

3. Bring a Friend

Not everyone is born into the night with a large coven of family members to celebrate with.

Loneliness and isolation can be especially traumatic during this time of year.

If you have a friend that you know is alone during the holidays ask them along your to family gathering or make time to drop in for a special delivery of leftover fruit casserole and cheer.

4. Make Time for You

It's been a long year. Sometimes you just need time to yourself to indulge in some long overdue coffin rest.

Consider skipping the traditional 4 hour drive to join the fam for the holidays for a small celebration at home this year. Your sanity will thank you for it.

You could even use part of your holidays to get your personal 'to do list' under control!

5. Choose Your Company

You don't need to sacrifice yourself at the altar of other people's whims. It's okay to just say 'no' to draining situations. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

6. Break From the Ordinary

Make new traditions! Decorate your tree a little differently with garlands of bats, glittery spider diva queens and skulls galore. Make a wreath out of skulls and dried roses to bedeck the front door.

7. Know & Respect Your Limits

"Resolve to be thyself: and know that he who finds himself, loses his misery."
- Matthew Arnold

When the baby bats keep sneezing on the cauliflower cheese and your mother in law gets everyone to suggest baby names (little Lucretia and Damien) for what you keep insisting is just your holiday bloat, it's time to go.

Know your own social limits, everyone's petrol tank has a different capacity. There's nothing wrong with a gracious exit so you can snuggle up at home with the dogs to watch Nightmare Before Christmas again.

8. It's Okay Not to Give

Times are tough right now. The bats flew the belfry and the bloody mongrels took out your window as they went.

Life happens, windows are expensive and everyone will understand if couldn't get little Armand a copy of Castlevania 9000.

Instead you could gift him a 'Certificate' worth 3 hours of your time teaching him to play catch or perhaps a lesson on the finer points of 18th century gothic poetry?

9. Back Off the Red Stuff at the Work Party

Things happen when too much liquid red enters the system. Your cheeks flush, you accidentally break the spiralizer your secret Santa got you and your lips get too loose. 

Your workmates are surely your friends but they're also deserving of a respectful relationship.

Don't invite a situation where you might blurt out something upsetting about Petyr's tooth whitening issue that you'll live to regret (or not live, really that's up to Petyr).

10. The Real Gift of the Holidays

The real gift is not the latest Monster High doll or Robert Pattinson's signed and framed left sock. 

Practice gratitude for the people around you and enjoy the warmth of another's soul. Auntie Irene won't be around forever, don't wait until it's too late for her to teach you the recipe for Vlad's ancient 5 spice kebab mix.

Wouldn't want little Lucretia and Damien missing out on delicious lineage recipes, now would we?


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